I'm Sorry It's Like This
by cherrygurl1225
Summary: In the aftermath of Jensen’s death, Tru suffers from a panic attack while Jack discovers something horrifying about Tru’s recent past. My first multichapter TruJack fic. COMPLETE.
1. Prologue: Ripples

**Tru Calling: I'm Sorry It's Like This**

**Written by Cherrygurl1225**

**Rating: T**

**Disclaimer: **I'm afraid I've run out of creative disclaimers this time around. Tru and Jack aren't mine. None of the characters are. Nor do I own the title of the story, which is explained at the end of this chapter.

**Summary: **In the aftermath of Jensen's death, Tru suffers from a panic attack while Jack discovers something horrifying about Tru's recent past. My first multi-chapter Tru/Jack fic.

**Author's Note: **Yes, I'm back again! This time hopefully with some more exciting Tru/Jack goodness or at least as much as I can muster. This is my first multi-chapter Tru/Jack fic, so please bear with me. I usually only like doing one-shots for them, but there are some really good (but few) multi-chapter T/J fics out there and I thought I should give this a try. I still don't know where exactly this story is going, but I'll tell you what I do know. I love writing. I love psychology. So I wanted to play around with another type of anxiety disorder most commonly known as the panic attack. It has some similarities to PTSD, but I'm going to try very hard NOT to make this a carbon copy of what "An Affair of the Heart" was despite the fact there will be a lot of commonality. So… on your mark. Get set.

Read & enjoy!!

* * *

**Prologue: Ripples**

_To anyone else, this scene would've been considered serene. Calm. Peaceful. Tranquil. A place to reflect, not only by gazing at the flowing stream running down the muddy bank, but also in the mind – a sacred place that holds a plethora of dreams and a lifetime of memories. _

_But for her, it was different. Very different. _

_Her reflection glazed over the top of the crystalline blue waters, but her mind plunged farther into its shadowy depths, not yet ready to surface. Her mind now trapped somewhere far below while her reflection was kept afloat amidst the sparkling ripples of rushing water. _

"_You see it, too, don't you?" an eerily calm voice echoed from behind her. _

_She shivered with a distinct uncertainty. "See what?"_

_He came to stand beside her. Her reflection met his as they were joined together for a union unlike any other._

_Was this Fate? Or was this Destiny? Or maybe both?_

"_Ripples."_

_Jack Harper's voice echoed again. "Ripples of Fate. Ripples of the consequences of our actions."_

_He paused._

"_Ripples of you and me."_

_Tru Davies shuddered, his words suddenly clearly etched in her mind._

_Ripples of you and me. What did that mean?_

_She caught him looking at her out of the corner of her eye and turned to face him. _

_Her enemy. Her sworn nemesis. Her opposite._

_A ripple. The ripples between them. _

"_What's that supposed to mean, Jack?" her voice came out in an almost inaudible whisper. _

_Jack gazed steadily at Tru, grinning widely. "What do you think it means?"_

_She turned back quickly; her eyes darted towards the water, probing it carefully as she seemed to search its penetrating depths for an unknown answer. _

_He had talked about this before. Before she knew who he really was. Before she saw his agenda, his motives, his deceitful cleverness. _

_Warmth instantly rushed through her as she felt his hand upon her shoulder, his fingers offering her a gentle caress. A delicate touch. _

_A warning. _

_His voice was hushed when he spoke. "I'm sorry it's like this."_

_Suddenly, it was as if his voice was drifting farther and farther away…_

"_Tru… Tru…"_

The voice was closer… even closer and closer still as Tru was gradually pulled out of her black oblivion to find Jack's icy blue eyes staring deep into her frightened brown ones. A hand upon her shoulder, a gentle caress along her cheekbone with his thumb. His voice slipped towards her in an almost dream-like fashion.

"Tru, what's wrong?"

TBC…

**Author's Note: **Apologies for the shortness of this chapter, but I thought this scene worked best standing alone. Like I said earlier, I don't really know where this story is going, but I guess y'all will find out soon enough. Oh, and the title of the fic comes from a song lyric in the song "They" by Jem. A really good song and highly recommended if you haven't heard it yet! Updates will be slow in coming, so please be patient. Reviews are soooo appreciated! Thanks, and see you at the next chapter!


	2. Chapter One: Entangled

**Chapter One: Entangled**

It took a moment before Tru could respond to him. A second before she could fully comprehend his gentle words. Words of concern.

_For her._

She couldn't help but be confused by this. It didn't seem right that it should be this way. How could Destiny and Fate collide so suddenly? How could Life and Death suddenly become so entangled in this intricately weaved web of chaos?

His icy blue eyes penetrated deep into the mysterious depths of her sleepy brown ones. He was pulling her to him and she let herself be drawn closer, not out of want or need but magnetism.

"What's wrong?" he repeated; his breath was a toxin to her. She was fully intoxicated by him now, drawn into his web, entangled in his passionate embrace.

"I… I don't know," she whispered slowly. "You were talking about ripples."

"Ripples?"

"In my dream, you were talking about ripples. Ripples of Fate. Consequences of our actions…" her voice trailed off.

"It scared you."

She nodded slowly. "A little bit. But what really scared me was the reflection I saw in the stream. My reflection. And then yours."

"What did it mean to you?"

"I couldn't see past my reflection. It was like I was floating. My mind was below it, but I couldn't feel anything."

She paused. "This isn't right, Jack. What we're doing isn't right. It shouldn't be this way."

"I know you're still angry," he whispered back, stroking a few tendrils of her dark brown hair with the tips of his fingers. "You're still grieving. It's not something you can just ignore and go on with your life like it never happened. Grieve. Then move on."

Tears of anger and grief came pouring down her face, staining her cheeks as she gazed at him, her eyes wide and hopeless. "I don't know if I can."

"Let me help you," he said; his voice echoed in her ears, the plea seeming urgent as she let the poignancy of his words seduce her innocently.

It was tantalizing, but she couldn't speak. That was forbidden. Everything they were doing in the black of the night under the midnight sky was forbidden.

No longer in the realm of reality, she let herself lean fervently against his chest, savoring the inviting warmth. His fingers traced an obscure pattern across the length of her jaw and cheekbone and she convulsed slightly underneath the woven embroidery of the soft, clean sheets.

"_Relax_."

Feeling oddly comforted by the sound of his voice, she gradually sank into the soft bed, into him and into the black oblivion, which she had just awoken from not long ago.

Tomorrow would bring about a whole new day. The battle lines would be drawn once more and Life and Death would take up their respective positions on opposite sides of the battlefield. The union would come again, though, just as soon as the impending darkness permeated through the night sky.

* * *

_Everything had an order. A clean, perfect, standard order. Just as his funeral was. _

_The prayers, the ceremony and even the grief. With everything, there was an order._

_But none of this mattered to her. She didn't care. She didn't want to care. She didn't want to feel. She felt numb, even when the tears tipped at the rims of her eyes, ran down her cheeks and fell to the cold earth past her chin. _

_A comforting arm was wrapped around her shoulder as Harrison Davies held his sister close. He couldn't even begin to imagine what she was feeling or going through. All he could do was be there for her. _

_She saw his body lying there in front of her embraced by the immaculate white of the inside of the wooden casket. He was dressed in a suit like a proper gentleman. Like his life had been taken out of innocence. An accident. Not a bloodied murder. Not by a murder she had witnessed. Not by one where she heard the cacophony of the gun being fired, by the one that had been in her trembling hands. _

_The sight of the blood horrified her. It made her own blood curdle and run cold, pumping wildly and freely through her veins. _

_His eyes were closed now. They were no longer open like they had been immediately after he was shot. _

_They haunted her. _

_There they were, cold and probing. Probing for nothing because he could no longer hear, see or feel. He was gone. Gone finally, although his soul had escaped from him months before. Now all that was left was this body. This hollow shell of nothingness. _

_Suddenly, a sort of unsavory chill crept over her. Harrison's arm fell from her shoulders as she turned around to find Jack leaning against a tree just a few short feet away. Her mind almost instantly wandered back to Luc's funeral, where the scene had played out almost the exact same way. _

"_Tru, don't do this," Harrison warned his sister, his voice laced with a peculiar uncertainty and caution. _

"_I have to, Harry. Stay here. I'll be right back." _

_Her face suddenly became serious with no traces of sadness or tears to be seen as she turned on her heel and strode towards Jack. _

"_You know you did the right thing," Jack whispered harshly as Tru approached him. He saw Harrison off in the distance and how he kept a watchful gaze on his sister. _

"_Didn't make the job any easier, did it?" Tru shot back, her voice matched the fierce intensity of his whisper perfectly. _

"_Maybe not, but it's still my job." _

_He then gestured for her to follow him. _

_She obliged as he led her behind the massive tree and pushed her firmly against it. His expression suddenly changed from serious to sympathetic. _

"_Have you told them about us?" he asked her._

"_No, not yet," she replied. "They wouldn't understand. At least not right now."_

"_When are you going to tell them?"_

"_I don't know, but they may end up finding out on their own." She looked at him intently, her eyes innocent yet curious. "Do you think they'll be mad at me?"_

"_Harrison's your brother, Tru. Davis is your mentor. They might not be thrilled about it at first, but this is your decision and they're gonna have to learn to accept that." _

_Tru gazed longingly into his eyes as Jack moved closer, closing the gap between them. She didn't know what to say or do or feel anymore. But she wanted. She wanted something. She wanted him. _

_It suddenly felt right to her as he captured her lips in his, her lips suddenly charged and tingling with excitement. Her hands rested comfortably on his broad shoulders as his hands climbed up her arms towards her shoulders, sending uncontrollable shivers down her spine. She inhaled his smoky aroma: a bit of musky cologne mixed with a touch of smooth aftershave. So very much like him. _

_And here they were again. Life and Death entangled in a raging maelstrom of imminent chaos as a smoldering desire engulfed them. Neither one of them could extricate the other from this entanglement._

_Forbidden, yes. But, in the moment, nothing else could have felt more right. _

TBC…

**Author's Note: **Well, it looks like I'll be sticking with shorter chapters. At least for right now until I figure out exactly where this story is going. But I promise you it is going somewhere! I will be using a lot of flashbacks or dream sequences throughout this fic (or at least as many as I can) because I LOVE writing them and I think they will really enhance this story quite nicely. As you probably already know, I love writing T/J romance and fluff, but I also love writing their banter moments. So I wanted to emphasize their forbidden love-type relationship instead of the happier fluffy ones I usually write about. This way, I can write both. ;)

A special thanks to all those who have reviewed thus far. It made me sooo happy to get all of those delicious reviews in my mailbox! Thank you and please keep them a comin'. See you whenever my next update will be!


	3. Chapter Two: Sacrifice

**Chapter Two: Sacrifice **

_She didn't understand why this was happening. Why was the world seeming like it would never stop spinning?_

_All of the muscles in her body suddenly became stiff and rigid. Why was he like this? Had she really turned him into a soulless monster? What did she do to deserve something so horrible?_

_He was loving it. He inhaled every moment, every second of her erratic breaths and her insatiable vulnerability. _

_Before she could breathe her next horrified breath, his eyes gleamed with an unmistakable ferocity as he slowly came down on her…_

* * *

"Tru?" 

A voice was calling her name. Why did it seem so far away?

"Tru, are you okay?"

Her eyes snapped open as Davis stood over her, a look of concern spread across his face. "You fell asleep in front of the computer again," he continued. "Are you finished with your paper yet?"

She took a moment to control her breathing as her heart pounded ferociously inside of her chest. Her mind was caught in a disoriented kind of haze and it took her another minute to realize she was at the morgue. She had been using Davis's computer to write a paper for her human anatomy class. Now it all came rushing back to her.

"Yeah, I'm okay," she replied, her voice seeming more distant and uncertain than usual. "It's just been a rough couple of weeks that's all. But really, D, I'm fine."

Tru reassured him with a fake half-smile. "I'm almost done with this."

"Are you sure there's nothing I can do?"

"No, but I'll let you know when there is something you can do."

Davis nodded. "Right," he said. "I'll let you finish up in here."

Tru watched him walk away; he was completely oblivious as to what was happening to her.

And Tru wanted to keep it that way.

* * *

The early hours of the evening crept along as the sun began to set, resting along the edges of the golden horizon. 

"How's that paper comin'?" the distinctive tone in Jack Harper's voice could be heard over the din of restless fingers typing away.

Tru spun around in her chair. "What are you doing here?!"

"I wanted to talk to you," Jack said softly as Tru stood up in front of him. "And maybe more than that."

He leaned forward; his hands ran down the length of her torso, stopping at her hips and began tracing along the hemline of her jeans with the tips of his fingers. She let him do this to her. She gave into this and into him.

"Stop," she said suddenly, almost breathlessly. "We can't be doing this. Not here. Not now."

"Why not?" His voice slipped inside her ear and his breath was warm.

"Because I…" She stopped suddenly. It felt as if the world was spinning and a wave of nausea instantly crashed down on her. She suddenly felt out of touch with reality as the world continued to spin around her. She gasped for air, each breath seeming harder and harder to breath. Then she began hyperventilating; her mind racing, but no coherent thoughts were running through it. She just wanted air. Her senses went numb and she began to sink into the blackness that readily welcomed her.

"Oh, my God, Tru!" he gasped as she passed out, falling into the security of his strong arms as he adjusted himself from the impact of her weight.

Her breathing patterns were irregular and her body shook with small convulsions.

_She needs to get to a hospital. _

Just then, Jack heard Davis's voice echoing from the long stretch of the hallway.

"Tru, I thought I heard some -…" The hairs on the back of Davis's neck stood up as he felt his muscles suddenly tense at the sight before him.

"Jack, what the hell did you do to her?!"

"I didn't do anything, Davis. She just passed out. You know, you should really watch where you place the blame. It could easily backfire on you later."

Davis hated Jack's cocky tone. A sudden burst of anger surged through him. Why was he just standing here? Shouldn't he call the police?

"Jack," he began again, "if you -…"

"I don't have time for your lectures, Davis. She needs to get to the hospital. _I _need to get her to a hospital!"

"Since when have you taken such an interest in her? And if _she_ was so interested in you, why didn't she come and talk to me about it?"

Jack hesitated for a moment, the words on the tip of his tongue wanting so badly to just slide right off and say the truth. And somehow he managed to find his voice and speak again. "She didn't want you and Harrison to be mad at her. I know for a fact that she wouldn't have wanted it to be this way; she thought risking this kind of exposure would be too intense for you and Harrison to handle."

Davis sighed, running a hand through his tufts of light dirty brown hair. "Go. But if I don't hear from you within the next 24 hours, I'm calling the police."

"You're going to thank me for this later," Jack replied, his voice softly reverberating off of the walls in a dangerous whisper. With that, he turned brusquely on his heel, carrying a still-unconscious Tru in his arms, cursing silently at himself. If something happened to Tru, he knew Harrison and Davis would never forgive him for it.

Davis watched him leave from the doorway of his office, his eyes probing the other man with a mistrustful uncertainty. "I hope you're right about that."

* * *

"_Give me the gun, Tru," he commanded firmly. _

_She hugged the gun tightly to her chest out of hopeless desperation. She didn't know what else to do. Ultimately, this was her choice. Not his. _

_He knew it._

_And she knew it. _

"_I c-can't do this," she stuttered slowly. "I c-can't. And neither should you."_

"_I know this is hard for you, Tru. I know you don't believe me now, but I do. That's why you have to give me the gun. You know in your heart that what you're doing is ultimately the right thing – the final sacrifice. It doesn't matter how, but it matters in the moment. It matters right now."_

_The air was cold and still around her. Looking directly into his eyes, she saw the unquenched thirst he hungered for so ravenously; she saw the pure, undiluted desire glowing in him – to preserve Fate and keep everything in a universal balance. _

_With uncontrollably shaky hands, she gave him the gun. Ironic how she should be doing this. Listening to the man who believed that the dead should stay dead. The same one who was responsible for Luc's death would now be responsible for taking another life. _

_Ironic how tender he was with her. How much he cared for her and loved her._

_He put a reassuring arm around her shoulders, pulling her into a gentle embrace. _

"_Everything will be okay," he whispered, pressing a soft kiss against her forehead. "Everything will be okay."_

_The next half an hour was a total blur and next thing she knew, she was standing above Jensen's cold, dead body. The body that had been cold and dead for so long before that. The body that had made the final sacrifice. _

_Tru stood above it and then collapsed to the ground, ignoring the throbbing pains that coursed through her when her knees hit the black asphalt. She didn't care anymore; in fact, she welcomed this kind of pain. It was far better than the emotional pain that venomously surged through her tingling veins. _

_Her fingers slowly came in contact with his skin. _

_It was cold as ice._

_Dead._

_Just like him. _

_Blood stained her palms and fingers with an indelible mark. A mark that went unseen and could never be scrubbed away._

_She would always bear this mark._

_As would he._

"_I'm sorry it's like this."_

_Tru looked up at Jack when he said this, a blank vacancy emanating from her glowing eyes. _

"_Come on, Tru," his whisper cut through the cold, icy air like a serrated knife. "Let's get you out of here."_

_He took careful hold of her bloodstained hands and pulled her to her feet. Just as he was about to lift her into his arms, she began sobbing hysterically into his chest. _

_They stood there for a long time, just like this. He wrapped his arms around her, stroking her matted brown hair and soothing her with vague words of comfort. He told her it was over. She wouldn't have to live with the guilt of her selfish decision. Keeping him alive had almost cost her the risk of losing her very own life. _

_But there would be no rewind now. It was over and done. _

"_Shhh…"_

_More interminably long moments passed until Tru finally willed herself to gaze into Jack's fiery blue eyes._

"_Jack, I need to tell you something," Tru said, her voice quivering as her body shivered from the cold. "It's about Jensen."_

TBC…

**Author's Note:** And I'm afraid we've come to yet another appropriate stopping point. I hope you've all enjoyed this chapter and the story thus far. Something I'd like to clarify before the next chapter is that when I had written that Tru was holding the gun in her hands in the flashback during the previous chapter it sort of foreshadowed the scene in this chapter where we find out that, yes, Tru was indeed holding the gun in her hands, but she wasn't the one who directly killed Jensen. I thought it should be Jack who did it since it would emotionally scar Tru too much. Jack knew this and so that's why he did what he did. Hope that came across clearly. Like always, feedback is greatly appreciated. It is you guys who keep me motivated to write! See you all at the next update!;)

I have to do some more research on panic attacks and Valium in order to write the next chapter, so the next update may take awhile. Thank you for understanding, though, and please stick with me!

P.S. Oh, and depending on where I take this, I think this would be a good start to a trilogy of some kind. What do y'all think of that?


	4. Chapter Three: Release

**Chapter Three: Release**

"_I think we need to get cleaned up first. And then you can tell me. Is that okay?" The vacancy in her eyes was painful for him to look at. _

_She nodded._

_Tru felt numb through all of this; almost dead. She couldn't feel anything anymore. It was like she merely existed, but remained unresponsive. _

_Jack's apartment seemed bigger than usual. Like a maze. A maze she couldn't seem to find her way out of even as she came through the front door and stopped at the door of the bathroom. _

_She turned around, seeing that Jack was only a few feet behind her. He approached her cautiously, like one would approach a frightened child. The blank stare she gave him sent shivers up his spine; her face was blotched with random spots of crimson blood as she had wiped her falling tears away with bloodstained hands, smearing it onto her lightly tanned skin. _

"_Go take a shower," he told her gently, brushing strands of her wavy locks away from her cheeks, away from the blood. "You left an extra pair of clothes here last week. I'll leave them right outside the bathroom door, okay?"_

_She said nothing, but her eyes sparkled with a pensive acknowledgement. _

_Almost an hour later, she emerged from the bathroom. Jack looked up upon her entrance to his bedroom and he gestured for her to come sit down beside him. _

_Her eyes reflected in his own as she sat down and faced him. An exact reflection. A sort of mirror image. They were opposites after all. Perfect mirror images of one another. This was their Destiny and Fate all melded into one. One could not survive without the other. _

_She needed him._

_And he needed her._

_They needed each other. This was the union that had brought them together only a few short months before. In secret, yes. But it was a union. A place only they could enter in the harmony and bliss that passed between them. _

_He took her face in his hands. "When you're ready, I want you to tell me everything, okay? Don't be afraid. Don't hold anything back. I won't let anything happen to you."_

"_E-everything?" she stuttered slowly, her eyes blinking away the empty tears of anguish and despair. _

"_Everything," Jack confirmed. "You're safe now."_

_He kissed a few of her stray tears away and she responded as she returned the affection with a soft kiss on his lips. _

_And she felt safe. Safe in this haven. Safe with him. _

_He ran his hands down her arms, pulling her towards him carefully so that her head lay on his chest. He tipped his chin down and rested it atop her head as his arms lay comfortably around her waist. _

_Her breathing pulsated rhythmically as her chest rose and fell. Each breath of air felt like a laborious task, not something that came naturally without her thinking about it, even though it really did. _

"_He beat me."_

_Her whisper was so hushed, so soft that Jack barely heard her despite the peaceful quietude of the room. _

"_What?"_

_Tru carefully disentangled herself from Jack's protective embrace, a shiver running down her spine._

_She suddenly felt so cold. _

_Gazing almost wistfully up at him, she saw confusion etched in his face. She drew a deep breath. _

"_Jensen. He beat me," she repeated; her tone was more serious now, almost caustic with a sense of finality. What's done was done. _

_Jack was suddenly left breathless. It felt like someone had gutted him. How was this possible?_

_He swallowed. Hard. "When did this happen, Tru?" he asked softly as soon as he was able to find his voice again. _

"_A few months after Christmas," she replied slowly, hating to have to relive every moment of her hellacious ordeal. "Something about him just changed. He kept telling me he was having moments of déjà vu. I believed him, but I didn't know what to say. Or what to do. Then if I interrupted him with something, like when we were in class, he would snap at me sometimes. Not in front of Avery and Tyler, of course. Just when we were working alone. We'd come home after dinner sometimes, back to my apartment, and watch a movie or drink some wine. He'd make these really sarcastic remarks during the movie; some of them were scathing and vicious. Violent even. And then when I'd question him about it later, he'd dismiss it as if it were nothing. But I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to be clear with him because communication is important to me. And when I'd pressure him more he would suddenly get so angry. To deal with his anger, he would force me down onto the couch or onto my bed; there was so much screaming and yelling and it all just got to be so much. Too much." Her voice was hysterical and an uncontrollable outpour of tears streamed down her face. "And then he came down on me and he -…"_

_She stopped suddenly, crying into his chest and holding onto him for dear life. She gripped him so tightly that tingling sensations shot up his arms. But he didn't care. She needed this. It was her only release. One that he had to let her have. She needed this release more than anything right now. So he let her cry. _

"_Oh, my God. Tru, did he rape you?"_

_He gave her a moment to catch her breath, waiting until her crying at subsided momentarily. _

"_No," she finally replied. "He didn't get the chance."_

_She lay her head back down on his chest, pressing fervently into him. Letting him know that she needed him. And that was all she needed. Her comfort. Her release. _

_Him. _

_Jack didn't know what else to say to her. So he just let her cry the tears of sorrow and anguish that had been augmenting inside of her for so long. She could finally let go now. She was finally free. Release._

_Quite some time had passed before he finally felt her breathing become deep and even. He looked down at the sleeping brunette lying fervently against his chest and sighed. This definitely wasn't going to be easy, but as he lifted her up and tucked her gently beneath the thick blankets of his bed, he realized that they would be able to get through this somehow. _

_Together. _

**Author's Note: **I was originally going to have the hospital scene in this chapter as well, but I felt like this long scene was so pivotal to the fic that it needed to stand alone. It's one of the major turning points or twists in the fic and I wanted to accentuate its importance. Parts of this probably could've been written better, I think, but I'm always very critical of my own work! The next chapter will deal with the aftermath of Tru's panic attack at the hospital and how Tru and Jack deal with those repercussions. A special thank you to **Amethyst Blizzard** and **Habita** for following me so religiously through this entire process. Your feedback in reviews and PMs means so much to me! You really have no idea!

Anywho, see y'all at the next update! ;)


	5. Chapter Four: Abyss

**Chapter Four: Abyss**

Her breathing was even more labored and her convulsions had gotten worse by the time Jack reached the city hospital.

He came to an abrupt halt at the receptionist's desk at the far corner of the waiting room. The receptionist looked up upon his entrance and saw the frazzled middle aged man carrying an unconscious brunette in his arms. His furrowed brow was laced with a thin layer of glistening sweat and a look of pleading desperation was etched in the creases of his face.

"She's having trouble breathing," he panted in-between anxious gasps of much needed air. "Please help her. I don't know what to do."

The receptionist picked up the phone, calling for nurses to come out to his aide. A plump woman with fair, wrinkled skin and dark brown hair was the first to come out.

"What happened to her, sir?" she asked as a gurney was being wheeled out by a few other nurses. Jack carefully placed Tru on the gurney just as her eyes began to flutter open ever so slightly.

"We were just talking and all of the sudden, she began hyperventilating and a few seconds later she just passed out and fell into my arms. Her body started convulsing and her breathing patterns became irregular. I got her here as fast as I could. She's endured a lot of personal trauma lately and I think it's gotten the best of her. I think she's had a panic attack. I was an EMT for a few years and I recognized the signs."

The nurse nodded in understanding as she called for IV fluids, oxygen and Valium.

"Jack…"

It took every ounce of her strength to say his name.

"I'm right here, Tru," Jack said softly as he squeezed the young woman's hand reassuringly. "You're going to be okay now. You're going to be okay."

An oxygen mask was placed over her mouth and an IV was inserted into her right arm. She began to breathe a little easier.

"Miss, we're putting some Valium in your IV, okay? It'll take the edge off of your anxiety," the nurse told her as Tru's eyes began to droop. They closed almost instantly as Tru felt herself slowly drift away into a bottomless abyss of darkness. Here, she felt no pain or agony. She breathed freely and clearly; she saw nothing, felt nothing, heard nothing.

"We'll take it from here, sir," the nurse told Jack as he released his grip on her hand. "We'll alert you as soon as we know anything. If all goes well, she may be able to be discharged tomorrow."

Jack nodded and took a seat in the waiting room as Tru was rushed into the ER. The swinging wooden doors concealed everything as she was being wheeled away. His mind was racing in a million directions and his heart seemed to be beating at twice its normal rate. Barely managing to finish the necessary emergency paperwork needed for Tru, he sauntered over to the receptionist's desk. The receptionist took the paperwork from him and offered him a hopeful smile. Not able to bring himself to smile back at her, he returned back to his seat in the crowded waiting room.

And thus the interminable wait for any sign of encouraging news began…

* * *

_Trapped once again in an abyss. A bottomless black abyss. One that she was greedily pulled into by an induced oblivion. She would remain here until it was time for her to resurface for air. Until it was time for her to come back to him. To come back to the reality her body forced her away from. It was in this reality where they would meet again and form an almost sacred bond. A specialized union of sorts. An established form of trust. _

_But something else was dragging her down deeper, an unheard seduction. It was more like a feeling. And it was this very feeling that dragged her down so deep that she wasn't sure how long it would be until she could resurface again. She knew she didn't have much time. Time was precious. Time was of the essence. Time was running out. _

_She was lost. _

_She was scared._

_She was damaged._

_And even when she felt herself being pulled up, drawn out of the abyss, back to reality and back to real life, she knew one thing would never be the same._

_She was broken._

_She was damaged._

* * *

As Tru slowly opened her eyes, she felt completely overwhelmed by the instantaneous sights and smells that crashed down like a tidal wave upon her. Her head was spinning wildly and her stomach was plagued with an incessant bout of nausea. 

She let out a small moan of discomfort.

"Tru?"

_Jack._

She suddenly felt so relived at the sound of his voice. Her body wouldn't let her express her relief as it merely came out as another soft moan.

"Tru," the voice said, coming closer as she saw a tall figure looming above her. "I was getting so worried. Thank God you're awake."

_What is he talking about?_

"Jack," she said softly, using every ounce of her diminished strength to form the question that lingered on the tip of her tongue. "What happened? Where am I?"

"You don't remember?"

"No," she replied. "I – I can't think straight. The last thing I remember was you… me… at the morgue…" her voice trailed off. The Valium was keeping her in this disoriented kind of haze. She was so confused.

Lost.

And it scared her.

"You started hyperventilating and then you passed out in my arms," Jack told her. "So I brought you here to the hospital to have them look at you. You had an anxiety attack, Tru. A panic attack. They had to give you oxygen because you were having trouble breathing and Valium to help keep you calm, but it sedated you. I've just spoken with the ER doctor who's managing your case and the head nurse. They want to keep you here overnight just to make sure you stay stable. You should be able to be discharged in the morning. The doctor did give me a prescription for Valium, though, and she wants you to take one every night for the next few nights before you go to sleep. The meds will help you sleep through the night, so hopefully you won't have episodes of the attack when you sleep as well. She's just taking all of the precautions she needs to right now."

It took her a moment to absorb all of this information. "I – I can go home?" she stuttered slowly.

"Yes, if all goes well you'll be able to go home tomorrow," Jack confirmed, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

It seemed like an eternity before she was able to find her voice and speak again. "He knew, Jack. He knew."

"Tru, what are you talking about?"

"Jensen knew about us." The sentence came out before she could even control it. She couldn't control it. It was almost as if it had slipped off of her tongue against her will.

"You mean, he knew we were together?" Now it was Jack's turned to be frightened. He tried to convince himself that it wasn't possible. Tru was too drugged to know what she was even talking about.

_How did he know?_

"He figured it out, Jack. And he yelled. There was so much yelling. And his hands were like bullets piercing my skin. He wouldn't stop. It felt like it would never stop." Her voice felt dry now, parched in desperation.

"Oh, Tru…" Jack squeezed Tru's hand a little tighter as she said this, hanging on her every trying word. He desperately wanted to know more, but as he gazed down at her he saw her eyes were already closed and she had fallen peacefully asleep. He released his hold on her hand, leaned over the railing and placed a tender kiss on her forehead.

"I love you, Tru."

But she would never hear this as he whispered into the cool, dark calm of the black night. He exited her room as quietly as he could and wandered back into the waiting room, knowing Davis would be expecting a call from him soon.

* * *

_Meanwhile, she once again drifted back into her black abyss. It was as though she was drifting even farther this time. Deeper and farther. Time didn't matter anymore. Time no longer held any importance. The damage that was caused by the reoccurring stressors in her daily life. _

_Broken shards splattered everywhere. Splattering like blood from evidence of violence and abuse. At the unforgiving hands of her aggressor, she was broken._

_Broken and forever falling into a tumultuous abyss of darkness._

**Author's Note: **I did the research necessary to write this chapter, but I'm still a little shaky on its ending results, so any extra feedback would be greatly appreciated. From my own personal experience, Valium completely knocked me out when the nurses gave it to me in the hospital while I was recovering from my back surgery. So I'm basically just going on my own instinct there. This chapter is dedicated to my awesome friend **Rae Rae **for giving me an in-depth description of panic attacks. The last bit at the end was meant to foreshadow the depression Tru continues to sink into after her panic attack, which should be more fully explored in the next chapter as well as more surprising revelations about Tru's abuse at the hands of Jensen. Hang in there and the next chapter will be up when I find more time to write! ;)


	6. Chapter Five: Poison

**Chapter Five: Poison**

_Soft music played in the background of the busy restaurant. The golden chandelier reflected the sparkling rims of champagne glasses beneath as waiters hustled around the lavish area, serving each customer with a peculiar air of dignity. _

_Jack sighed and checked his watch again._

_Tru was late, but that was nothing new._

_Davis probably just kept her busier than usual._

_The table was set like a divine masterpiece. Perfect for the two romantic lovers out beneath the cool, moonlit night. The white tablecloth was immaculate and perfectly complemented the maroon napkins folded together neatly on the sides of the dinner plate, accompanied at its side by shiny silverware. Two champagne glasses, each half full with the sparkling golden liquid, sat on the upper right hand corner of each dinner plate respectively. _

"_Have you been waiting all this time? It's already nine o' clock."_

_Jack came out of his reverie to find Tru staring down at him, her dark brown curls cascaded slightly past her shoulders, her face shining suddenly in the bright light. _

_He stood up and embraced her into his arms. "You told me to wait for you. So that's what I did. I waited."_

"_That's sweet," she said, smiling, and pressed a gentle kiss against his lips. "But I can't stay. I know we've had this planned for ages, but Jensen's expecting me soon back at my apartment and I don't want to -…"_

"_Shhh, it's okay," he whispered, moving closer. "I understand. We can do this another time."_

_Her eyes reflected sadness, disappointment and hurt as she stared back at him. "I'm sorry it's like this, but if he finds out about us…"_

_Her voice trailed off as he placed a finger on her lips. "You don't have to explain. Go. Be with him."_

_She began to convulse slightly as his hands gently gripped her arms, trying to make her relax. He hated seeing her always get so stressed out like this. All he wanted was for her to be happy. And if it eventually meant giving up her calling, that was fine._

_Calling be damned._

_Wasn't happiness more important? She was so young and still so inexperienced. Why should her calling be the one thing that would ultimately hold her back?_

_No. It wasn't worth it._

_However, her happiness was. _

_He finally felt her relax, the tension dissipating from the glimmer in her eyes and sparkle in her face. _

"_Thank you," she breathed as he quickly captured her lips in a tender kiss._

_She turned to leave._

"_Tru?"_

_She turned around, facing him once more._

"_Take care of yourself."_

_She nodded mutely. Something about his voice made her shiver as she stepped out and was instantly enveloped by the obscure darkness of the bittersweet night. It wasn't him per se, but something else she couldn't quite put her finger on._

_And she didn't like it._

* * *

_ He stood back away from them, off in a corner though they were still perfectly fitted within his line of vision. He could tell she was worried and anxious. It was almost as if he could feel all of her emotions reverberate off of her, reflecting in the pale, dim light and bouncing off of the walls of the elegant restaurant. He smiled slowly, ironically, and almost evilly. He could sense her fears. He memorized them, inhaled them and learned them well both inside and out. _

_She sensed he was different. _

_He knew that and he sensed her anxiety about their imminent encounter. Something within her had become unsettled. She was out of balance. Forced out of the steady equilibrium she was so very used to. He could feel it. _

_He then saw her exit the restaurant, heading out into the mysterious blackness the night had descended upon so quickly._

_She was forced out of the equilibrium and into some kind of unstable reality. A reality in which she was forced to choose. She had to make a decision and there was only one right answer. _

_He had to move fast now. Faster than her. _

_With his mind set and clear, he began to embark on his next deadly encounter. One that he would ravenously crave and feed off of forever. _

_She was tipping in and out of reality. Dizzy with the confusion of the burden on her shoulders. The burden to choose._

_And he knew just the way to do that._

* * *

"_I've been waiting for you."_

_His voice came as more of a shock than anything else. She was startled by the uneven, hushed tones of his voice, which bore little room for inflection of any kind._

"_You scared me!" Tru exclaimed, shaking slightly from the shock as she came into her apartment. _

_He stood up and came towards her; his eyes seemed to reflect an eerily sort of glow in the black darkness. _

"_I scared you? You work in a morgue and I'm the one that scares you? A little ironic, wouldn't you say?"_

"_Well, it's just… I mean, I thought I was going to call you first and then…"_

"_But you're late," he replied; his voice slightly more caustic than it probably should have been. He held up a key in his right hand. "Plus, you gave me a spare key."_

"_Right," she breathed out in realization. _

"_So where were you? You never usually work this late anymore." There was an air of suspiciousness in his voice, an edge of confirmed finality. He knew something._

"_Davis kept me late that's all," Tru said quickly, trying to brush off his heightening suspicions. _

_She wrapped her arms around his neck, gazing into his piercing eyes. "So what do we have planned for the rest of this beautiful night?"_

_The virulent passion of his lips came seemingly out of nowhere and crashed down upon hers with a vehement ferocity. He held her there by sheer desire – a feverish desire so rampant that they were both caught by surprise when she finally pulled away. _

_Gazing into the harrowing depths of his eyes, she stared at him with great intensity._

_What she saw horrified her. His true colors bubbled and churned slowly beneath this smoldering surface. _

_A monster._

"_Jensen," she said breathlessly; the sudden chill that crept its way up her spine made her voice quiver with fear. "What's happened to you?"_

"_I could ask you the same thing," he replied bitterly. "Are you sleeping with him? Because I know you two have been seeing each other. I've seen you guys together."_

_Tru was too stunned to form words._

_How did he know?_

_She was brought out of her stunned state as she felt him slap her across the face. When she looked up at him again, tear stains glimmered against the faint glow of her warm cheeks. "We're not -…" she stuttered. "It's not what you think it is."_

"_Really?" he hissed, his temper rising. _

_What happened next quickly became a total blur and she felt suspended from her earthly being. Distant. Almost like she was floating…_

_His strength surprised her as he seized her arms with a force that she didn't even know he possessed. Using all of his strength he propelled her backwards, forcing her into her bedroom and pushing her roughly on top of her bed, climbing on top of her now trembling form. _

"_Maybe this will teach you not to screw around." His voice seeped out towards her like fast-acting venom._

_Like poison._

_Her poison._

_He killed her with the potency of his scathing words._

_She knew he was different, but she hadn't realized how violent he had suddenly become. _

_She struggled mercilessly against his hold, but to no avail. Her struggle was unrelenting. _

"_Jensen…"_

_She felt suspended. She distanced herself on purpose, focusing her mind on how to make this stop. Not on the brutal beating she endured at his unforgiving hands. _

_Bruises would form. There might even be blood._

_Hot tears scorched her face with pain, the emotional pain of loss and defeat against one she once could've been able to trust. _

_To confide in._

_To love. _

_And then, there was nothing._

"_Tru, I'm so sorry." _

"_What?"_

_He gently eased himself off of her. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."_

_She just looked at him mutely, her eyes wide with shock and fright. His words left her breathless, speechless._

_Scared._

_Unable to hold herself together, she broke down, releasing herself momentarily from the misery he inflicted upon her. _

_He moved closer, sensing her need for immediate comfort._

_She had no where else to go. No one else to turn to._

_Not even Jack. _

_So she let herself break down into him._

_It was all so wrong. _

_How he soothed her. _

_How he made her feel whole, even if it was only for a few precious hours. _

"_I'm sorry," he repeated. His hot breath licked her skin with a tainted seduction as he moved her in-between the clean sheets, carefully removing her beige blouse with his fingers, exposing the smoothness of her creamy, tanned skin. _

_She needed immediate relief. To be free of this wicked poison that coursed through her being._

_He was her relief._

_But he was also her poison as she felt him slowly enter her, causing her to surrender to his infectious passion._

_He tucked her some of her dark curls behind one ear, pressing a savory kiss against her lips. Her head fell to the pillow beneath her and she moaned as she felt him move in and out of her._

_He craved this. _

_He craved her._

_She was scared. Of him and what he had done._

_But she let him do this do her. On some level, she wanted this. To prove what to herself, she didn't know. _

_She needed help._

_She needed Jack._

_But she craved the infectious passion, the poison he fed her with his seductive masculinity. _

_This poison would always be imbibed in her._

_Forever. _

**Author's Note: **And that concludes another oh-so-exciting chapter. I hope this cleared up a few questions for some of you, especially concerning the relationships between Tru and Jack and Tru and Jensen. Yes, she was dating both of them. I did that on purpose because I wanted to show how torn and conflicted shefelt, both before Jensen's murder and in the aftermath. She ultimately loves Jack, but she is still torn and damaged in some way from her experiences with both men respectively. And I wanted a Tru/Jensen sex scene as well. And no, it was NOT rape. Again, this will all tie-in to the aftermath of Tru's panic attack in some way. Next chapter will be set in the present with Tru and Jack dealing with the aftermath of Tru's panic attack back at Jack's apartment. I'm hoping to put a Sara Teasdale poem that I'm singing in choir class right now in there, too. I think it'll really set the mood.

Feedback, as always, is appreciated, and see you all at Chapter Six! ;)


	7. Chapter Six: Crumble

**Author's Note: **Just a little forwarning about the sexual content in this chapter. It's not graphically explicit enough to rate it as "M" or anything (at least I don't think it is!), but just wanted to make y'all aware of that. It's a bit more descriptive of something sexual than I usually write and I don't want anyone to be upset with me. Thanks for your understanding and I hope everyone who reads enjoys this chapter! ;)**  
**

**Chapter Six: Crumble**

_**There will be rest, and sure stars shining  
Over the roof-tops crowned with snow,  
A reign of rest, serene forgetting,  
The music of stillness holy and low.**_

Tru's vision swam in and out of a blurry focus as she tried to acclimate herself with her quiet surroundings; her eyelids were begging her, pleading her, to let them close so she could drift contently back into the peaceful calm of the black oblivion which had kept her there so greedily.

She blinked a few times in a futile attempt to try and conquer the impending drowsiness that was so quickly descending upon her again.

"Tru, are you awake?" the voice was floating towards her, concern laced in his distinctive tone.

A jolt of surprise seized her, suddenly, causing her eyes to open a little wider.

She saw a satisfied relief glimmer in the crystalline blue orbs of his eyes. He then gently caressed her left cheek with his thumb. "How are you feeling?"

"Sleepy. Dizzy. A little nauseous," she whispered tiredly, still forcing herself out of the deep slumber she had awoken from moments ago. "Where am I?" she asked, still disoriented.

"My apartment. You were discharged from the hospital this morning. Do you remember?"

Tru nodded absentmindedly. She did remember. She didn't _want_ to remember, but she did nonetheless.

It was too much. The vivid memories that plagued her mind with a hollow drone. An unbidden plea. Incessant cries that made her want to break down, to give up and crumble into nothingness.

It was so easy. Too easy, really. All she had to do was give up and let herself crumble like the remnants of a rock or stone or the last of the baked chocolate chip cookie dough crushed into tiny, inedible pieces. Bits; crumpled parts of what was once something whole. Now broken. Now in non-existence. Never to be pieced together again.

Tru sat up a little bit, propping herself up with some pillows as Jack sat on the edge of the bed facing her. She felt the tears coming; there was an imminent warning.

Sensing Tru's need for instant comfort, he propped himself up beside her, easing an arm slowly around her waist and pulling her close to him.

He let her cry into him once more. He knew this wouldn't be the only time. There would be a lot more of these moments to come. But it was all part of her healing process. The last thing Jack wanted for Tru was for her to waste away, to crumble and fall, to let herself be defeated by something she could become in control of. If only she knew how.

"Tru?" he said softly.

She gazed up at him; her eyes nearly gave him a heart attack. They were so pitiful. They were begging him. They were scared. Confused.

Helpless.

"The doctor discharged you from the hospital this morning. She said I have to keep a close watch on you for awhile and she wants to make sure you take your meds. She told me everything was stable and normalized, but that you might not be yourself for a few days. You fell asleep in the car on the way home from the hospital and I didn't want to wake you. I used your key and got a few clean pairs of clothes for you from your apartment and I also had to go to the pharmacy to get your meds. You were sleeping so peacefully by the time we got back here that I just carried you in here and let you sleep, but I've been checking on you every hour or so. Just in case."

"How long have I been asleep?"

"Quite awhile. It's already dark outside. I was going to wake you soon, but you woke up on your own, so…" he let his voice trail off.

A pause, if only to have that moment which was frozen in time cease to exist, shattered by the remnants of a timid voice, a grieving heart.

A broken soul.

Crumbling.

"Will it happen again? Will I have a panic attack again?" she asked innocently, searching his face for any sign of a suitable answer.

Jack's muscles stiffened. He dreaded the answer that lingered on the tip of his tongue. The answer that spoke the honest truth.

He didn't know.

"It might," he told her. "I don't know, Tru."

She looked away dismissively. He reached a hand out and gently turned her face towards his.

"But I'll tell you what I do know," he continued. "I know you're going to get better and we're going to get through this, okay? No matter what, I promise you. We will get through this. Together."

A slight wavering of a smile creased her lips. She was satisfied. It seemed odd to say this now after all that had happened between them and all that was going to happen in the near future. What would she do without him?

Life and Death existed in this world simultaneously, balanced and unbalanced at the same time. This was why they converged, met in the middle, not out of peace or forgiveness, love or lust, or even a smoldering passion lodged in-between the tug and pull; the arduous restraints of what held them together broke them apart.

Melded them into one, so they would not crumble and waste away like festering rot.

Simultaneous existence is what mattered. It's what made them live.

It's what made them whole.

"Tru?" he said slowly, bringing her out of her content reverie.

He swallowed as she stared back at him expectantly.

"I want to look at your… your injuries." He spoke hesitantly, unsure of what her reaction might be. "I just want to see if they're healing properly that's all."

"It's okay," she confirmed; her voice was soft yet confident. "I'll let you."

"You're gonna have to take off your shirt first," he told her gently, pushing all of the painstakingly vivid details of male fantasies in the back of his mind.

He wanted her.

He wanted her badly.

But they hadn't crossed that line yet. Hadn't walked over that treacherous bridge wobbling precariously between two steep, rocky cliffs. She had said no.

She had made it crystal clear to him. She loved him, but she wasn't ready for that kind of intimacy, to cross that bridge that lay wide open in front of them.

_Waiting._

It was inviting. It was tempting.

But he couldn't.

Not if she wouldn't.

Not if she wasn't ready.

She obliged, however, delicately removing her shirt as it brushed against the harshness of her bruised, swollen skin.

"Lie down on your side."

She did.

He carefully fingered the clasp of her bra, gently pulling it open, apart, and letting the straps fall on either side of her.

The purple bruises that marred the innocent purity of her skin were healing slowly. Soon they would be no more. They would heal and be gone. The physical wounds would heal in no time, but the emotional wounds, the emotional pain of the trauma she courageously endured would be there forever.

It would always leave its indelible mark, though not physical but mental, with repercussions to bear.

His fingers made light contact with her skin. The bruises didn't cover her whole back, so he took the opportunity to gently run his hands down her back, along her spine, massaging her gently. Wanting her to be happy. Wanting her to feel pleasure.

She moaned ever so quietly.

"Do you want me to stop?" his voice entered inside her ear again.

"No," she whispered back.

"They're healing, Tru. You're going to be fine, I promise."

He continued to run his hands along the light tan of her back, massaging a little deeper at times when he felt her muscles relax.

"All done," his black whisper sifted towards her in the still air of the chilling night. The hours had passed quickly. They had slipped away and darkness had slowly engulfed the bustling city.

She rolled over onto her other side, now facing him. "You told Harrison and Davis about this, didn't you?"

"I had no choice, Tru. I told them you'd call in a few days. I want to take care of you first."

He paused. "Is that okay?"

"As long as they're not mad at me. All of this – it's all my fault. Sometimes I feel I just want to crumble away and…" her voice trailed off again.

"Tru, none of this is your fault. You need to understand that. And they're not mad at you. They can't be mad at you. They're just worried about you – like I am."

Her voice broke. "You're worried about me?"

"Always. But I know you'll be fine. You're probably the bravest, most stubborn woman I know."

"Thanks," she bit off in a joking sort of voice, slapping him lightly on the arm.

There was a long pause, one that seemed like an eternity. They were content, just lying there, holding each other, being in the other's presence.

"Jack, I think I'm ready," her tone confirmed a sense of finality.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," she replied, drawing in a deep breath. "I'm ready."

They had never gone this far or reached this point in their relationship. Never gotten this intimate. Sure, they had slept together, but there had not been the intimacy that could not be erased once it was done. There would be no rewind. It didn't work like that.

"I won't hurt you," he promised, as he proceeded to enter her. He eased himself into her, pressing into her soft flesh, successfully achieving penetration whilst deepening the fervent kiss against her lips.

She moaned, now completely satisfied.

"I told you," he whispered into her ear. "I kept my promise, didn't I?"

He had kept his promise. He would not let her fall apart completely.

He would not let her crumble.

___**I will make this world of my devising,  
Out of a dream in my lonely mind,**  
_**__****I shall find the crystal of peace,--above me  
Stars I shall find.**

Author's Note: And thus ends the adventures of Chapter Six. Hope y'all found it mind-stimulating enough and will keep sticking around for more. Another big revelation was revealed in this chapter: Tru and Jack hadn't been sexually involved before that night. I tried to hint at it vaguely in the last flashback sequence when Jensen openly accuses Tru of sleeping with Jack. Now y'all know! Hehe… ;) I honestly don't know where I'm going from here, but I think I figured out a way to explain how Tru and Jack finally got together. Another HUGE thanks to my wonderful reviewers. Oh, and a mini disclaimer: I do NOT own the words in this poem "Stars I Shall Find" by Sara Teasdale. I just fell in LOVE with it when we started singing it in choir class last week. And I felt that it also really suited the mood I wanted to set up for this chapter. The author of the poem suffered from clinical depression and found inspiration from the stars as she saw them as beacons of hope. Sadly, she committed suicide sometime later, but her words will always live on. Thanks to you all, once again, for supporting me in writing this story and stay tuned for another update! ;)


	8. Chapter Seven: Nightmares & Dreamscapes

******Chapter Seven: Nightmares and Dreamscapes**

___She felt hollow._

___Void._

___Empty._

___A big gaping hole bore through the pit of her stomach. Inside was nothing. It was empty. Like she was._

___And yet, she lay still. She lay still in the cruel, unforgiving darkness the night had cloaked itself in. _

___Slowly, she shifted uncomfortably under the thick wool of the blankets waiting to smother her. _

___And, in a sense, she would let them. Let them smother her in their warmth, choking her…_

___Couldn't breathe…_

___She moved again, this time with a smooth grace and rhythmic quickness, startling the sleeping figure beside her. _

___Her muscles tensed as she felt the cold deadness of his bony fingers caress her bare shoulder as if doing that would suddenly bring a beating pulse or perhaps a tingling sensation shocking her as tiny volts of electricity coursed through his fingertips._

___Another chance to cling to a life that had passed him by so long ago._

___But that sensation never came. _

___It never would. _

___She knew that now. _

_"__Tru?" his voice bit the air that had been still for so long, leaking through it as false sincerity dripped from the corners of his frozen lips. Lips that no longer had a pinkish hue because they no longer had life._

_"__Are you okay?"_

___Startling at the sound of his voice, she lifted her head up, her back against his face, and froze in place unmoving. _

___She waited here for a moment, her dry throat parched as she waited for a quiet release. One that she knew would never come. _

___Waiting to feel again. She waited to feel it burn mercilessly, to feel the black, smoking venom course through her veins. _

___To drink in poison._

___To let it suffuse her entire being. _

___Poison._

___Her poison._

___Him. _

_"__Did you hear that?" her voice came out in a harsh whisper, throaty and cracked._

_"__Hear what?"_

_"__I swear I just thought I heard…"_

_"__What is it, Tru?" Jensen's voice reached her in a silky whisper, his hair and warm breath brushed against her ear. _

___Tru shook her head dismissively. "Nevermind," she said, shaking off the eerie feeling threatening to take over her, "it's nothing." _

_"__You should go back to sleep, Tru. Whatever it is, I'm sure we can take care of in the morning."_

___Her voice was on edge as she spoke. "Jensen, somehow, I don't think this can wait."_

___Something was bothering her immensely. What it was, Jensen didn't know._

___Hell, Tru didn't even know. _

_"__I'll be back in a second," Tru said, maneuvering herself out of the warm comforts of her bed and into the encompassing dangers of the night. _

___Her bare feet made little noise as they padded across the room and into the bathroom. Her feet actually glided with ease against the smooth tile surface as they directed her towards the sink, her eyes looking wistfully into the mirror._

___Waiting._

___Wanting maybe. But mostly waiting. _

___For what she did not know. But she knew it was coming soon. _

___He came to stand behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist in a dire attempt to comfort her. "Something's wrong. Tell me, Tru."_

___And there it was again. The noise she thought she heard before. It sounded like…_

_"__Are you sure you don't hear that?" she asked, almost suspiciously, leaning back into Jensen's welcoming embrace. "It sounds like someone's crying."_

_"__I don't hear anything." Jensen's silken voice reassured her, pressing a gentle kiss against her bare shoulder. Against the one he had bruised with his callous hands. The biggest one that marred her skin with its unforgettable remembrance stained in her mind._

___She would never forget. _

___She flinched in response to his intimate touch._

_"__I'm sorry," he whispered. _

___And, on some level, she forgave him. Because he held her captive._

___Because she had no other choice. _

___Would she ever escape? Could she ever escape? Or would she be forever lost in this fantasized reality? One that most people visit, but some never return from. _

___A raging maelstrom of nightmares and dreamscapes._

___He was holding her there. _

___She gazed into the mirror again and saw her reflection. She saw their reflection; she saw what he had become. _

___A nightmare caught in her dreamscape. A nightmare haunting her delirious fantasy. Not one that she particularly liked, but one that she was forced into by the penetrating depths of her perplexed mind. _

___However, for one flickering moment, one single fleeting second, she saw something. And it horrified her._

___But when she blinked it suddenly vanished, cloaked in abrupt invisibility. _

___Impulsively, she ran her hands along her stomach, peering down at it with heightened curiosity. _

___What had she just seen?_

___She looked up again; and there it was, her stomach protruded out slightly._

___Instantaneous nausea crashed down upon her. _

_"__God, no…" she breathed out, horrified. "Please, no!"_

___Her right hand pressed a little harder against her stomach; her fingers were suctioned there and her fingernails dug deeper, clawing at the innocent purity of her skin in an attempt to draw blood. In an attempt to try and convince herself that this wasn't happening. That this wasn't real. _

_"__You said you wanted it," his voice seeped venomously towards her. "You wanted this. You told me."_

_"__I take it back!" she cried. "Oh, God, I take it back!"_

_"__It's too late, Tru." Jensen's voice echoed probably a bit louder than in should have, suddenly beaming and blaring from everywhere around her. "It's too late…"_

___Her head was suddenly spinning with dizziness as she snapped her eyes shut, putting her hands over her ears. _

___Still, despite blocking out the reverberations of his voice that came from every direction surrounding her, shrouding her in booming tones, she heard the distinct sound of crying. Very, very soft and innocent cries…_

* * *

"I take it back!" she shouted, shaking and thrashing uncontrollably as Jack tried to seize her, to take her fragile form into his arms. 

He forced her back into reality. Into life.

"Tru! Tru! Wake up! C'mon, wake up!" Tru's eyes snapped open suddenly as Jack's grasp around her tightened a little more.

"What… what happened?" she asked drowsily, dizzy from the unexpected disorientation.

"You tell me. You had a nightmare, Tru. I heard you screaming and I've been trying to wake you up for the past 15 minutes."

Her breathing was erratic and she shook in fear.

He still held her, waiting until her heavy breathing had subsided before proceeding any further.

"It was about Jensen, wasn't it?"

She looked away from him dismissively; her right hand traced a pattern along her stomach. It was no longer protruding like it had been in her dreamscape.

Like in her nightmare.

But the feeling at the pit of her stomach remained unsettled.

"Yes," she finally replied. "It scared me. He scared me. I… I don't know what to do."

"Let me help you," he offered, letting his offer simmer in her mind for a moment.

"Okay," she conceded, swallowing hard. "I'll try."

He held her in his arms for a long time, making sure she was content and comfortable, whispering soothing words into her ear and telling her that everything was going to be okay.

As the minutes passed and the morning sun melted away the night sky, she found herself contentedly lulled into a peaceful slumber and back into her fantasized dreamscapes.

She desperately wanted to tell him what had happened. What she had experienced in her dream. What had made her sink even further now into her disparaging depression.

But she couldn't tell him.

Not yet.

However, the opportune moment would come soon enough.

**Author's Note:** Ah, don't you just love cliffhangers? This is where I leave you for now, my faithful readers. Until we meet again next time, of course. The whole dream sequence was supposed to be kinda vague, but it ended up being very, very obvious. Ah, well. It was meant to foreshadow what is to come in the sequel. I keep going back and forth with the idea that I have, but I really think it would be an interesting idea to carry through with. This story should be wrapping up in the next few chapters with an epilogue and a cherry on top! Please leave me a review if you will while I go take care of my stupid cold!

See y'all at the next update! ;)


	9. Chapter Eight: Balance

******Chapter Eight: Balance**

___There has always been balance. Balance has existed from the very ancient beginnings of prehistoric times to the modern, present, contemporary times. A present so alive and vivid that one had to unravel its deepest mysteries in order to enjoy the blossoming fruit of its majestic wonders. _

___And only in this modern time did equilibrium become more prevalent. Equilibrium that augmented into imminent chaos if external forces ripped the delicate fabric at its seams. _

___This was the vital role Tru Davies and Jack Harper fought so hard to see through. This was why trying to tread through the penetrating depths of the unknown was so dangerous. _

___For equilibrium did not exist in the unknown. There was no comforting sense of security. _

___No balance._

* * *

___ The city morgue was shrouded in a black darkness. Any light that dared to enter was greedily engulfed by this eerie darkness. This smoking blackness. _

___The only source of light present around her was that which was dimly illuminated from the desk lamp of Davis's cluttered office. _

___A perfect ambience for a morgue. _

___Especially this one. _

___And she liked it this way. _

___For this was how she had gotten used to working there. From the very beginning. From the very first day. The very first time someone had asked her for help. And she had been victorious. _

___Because she had saved her. _

___Her muscles tensed, back stiffened, but she dare not turn around. She licked her parched lips, more out of routine habit than comfort. "You know, I come here to be alone."_

___He knew she had sensed his presence._

___He could feel it. _

_"__I wouldn't exactly call this being alone," he bit off, his voice edged with indignant sarcasm. "You line all of these bodies up and you can have yourself your very own tea party. Isn't that what girls do at your age?"_

___Smiling smugly, he knew he had hit a nerve. A nerve he had cut right through so easily. _

___She spun quickly on her heel. "What do you want, Jack?"_

___He shrugged his shoulders with an indifferent nonchalance. "To catch up on life with an old colleague?"_

___Tru Davies glared into the burning, wicked blue eyes of Death. "How ironic."_

___She turned her back towards him and walked away, stopping short at the hard metal autopsy table in front of her. _

___Jack Harper's voice was falsely playful as came up and stood beside her. "C'mon, Tru. You work too hard. Let the universe's plan play out like it should for a change."_

_"__Are you asking me to give up, Jack?" she retorted hotly. _

_"__I'm asking you to stop messing with the Grand Plan. I know I took it too far with Luc, but Jensen is a hazard. A hazard to the Grand Plan. With Jensen -…"_

_"__You leave Jensen out of this!" Tru cut in abruptly. "He's none of your damned business."_

_"__On the contrary, Tru, he's every part of my damned business. He's disrupting the Grand Plan. That's why it's my job to put his death back on track."_

___He grabbed her arm, suddenly, forcing her to face him. "I can help you with that. Just say the word."_

___Tru jerked her arm out of his grasp, yet still faced him; her voice laced with austerity. "What makes you so sure I will?"_

_"__I'm not sure. That's your decision. But seeing as you're so damn stubborn, this isn't going to be a very easy task now, is it?"_

___She took a hesitant step back, wanting to get away; she couldn't deal with this right now. _

___He noticed a flickering sparkle in her eyes as she turned back towards the table, how the dim light reflected the intricate pattern on her neck; and how her hair covered her rosy cheeks with her flowing curls. _

___For a quick moment, he wondered what they felt like; imagining the soft, dark curls of hair delicately weaving in-between his fingers. The thought seemed to awaken him; almost seduce him. _

___Even arouse him. _

___As he pulled himself back into reality, he saw shiny tear stains glimmering on her cheeks. She knew it was the right thing. That it was his time. That his time had run out long ago. But it was this very thought that scared her. It broke her down and literally tore her apart from the inside out. _

___He offered her a quick caress on her shoulder. An unspoken token of comfort._

___She looked up at him; her dappled brown eyes bearing an enormous mass of hazy confusion. _

___What was happening?_

___He brushed a tear away with his thumb. "It'll be okay."_

___His voice scared her suddenly. But yet, it offered comfort._

___Hope. _

___Something that had been missing in her life for a very long time._

___The air was still when their lips met for the briefest of seconds, the most sacred of moments._

___They sprang apart. _

___Something had changed within each of them just then._

___The equilibrium had shifted._

___The balance._

___And this was how their turbulent relationship started as an unspoken pact was made. No one could ever know about this. _

___It would be shrouded in secret for a long time._

___Shrouded in the morgue's black darkness._

___Shrouded in balance. _

**Author's Note:** I call this my 'filler' chapter. I've wanted to write a chapter or scene of how Tru and Jack's relationship started for a long time and this was the result. My intentions and ideas for this chapter were completely different originally as I was going to have it take place atop the Edison Tower on the observation deck, but decided to set it in the morgue instead. It's better this way, in my opinion, because it kinda sets up another very important scene in Chapter Nine, which will also take place in the morgue. Chapter Nine should hopefully be a bit longer than this chapter and wrap most things up and a short epilogue will follow. Almost done, guys, so keep sticking with me for the long haul! ;)

_******  
**_


	10. Chapter Nine: From Within

******Chapter Nine: From Within**

___All it wanted was a chance. A chance to be free and grapple at the wonders of life. Although it may suffer in life. _

___Suffer and struggle. _

___Torn._

___Like she was._

___It reflected both halves perfectly. A flaming spark, an eager yearning for life, but also an insatiable craving for death. Not wanting death, but already gone._

___Already being dead._

___Lifeless._

___Soulless._

___And it started to grow from within._

___The succulent fruit of the womb._

* * *

_****_

Just living.

Staring into space.

Staring into a mere vast of nothingness.

This was how Tru Davies had become only a few short weeks after her panic attack and her horrifying nightmare about Jensen.

She knew it was coming.

But when?

She pulled herself away from reality, away from responsibility and away from her calling.

Away from him.

She drew back. Just staring into space for prolonged periods of time.

And with this, she let herself sink farther into the abyss. Into a big, gaping hole of nothingness.

For there were times where she felt hollow.

Empty.

_It was coming,_

And it continued to grow, to feed off of her and to expand inside of her. Feeding on her from within.

_Feeding on her soul._

"Tru, what on Earth are you doing here?! I left you back at my apartment a half an hour ago!"

Tru stood in the middle of the Standards Room. She was near an autopsy table as she traced along its stainless steel edges with the tip of her index finger. Her back towards Jack, she spoke in an almost monotone whisper. "I know you did."

Her voice sent shivers up Jack's spine. "You need to go home, Tru. I'm taking you home. You can't go back to work yet. Don't you remember?"

"I remember."

He approached her cautiously, taking her gently by the arm. "I just came to talk to Davis about something, but you need to go home. You need to rest."

She suddenly jerked her arm out of his grasp. "_Get away from me_!" she shrieked, moving away quickly and collapsing against a wall. "Just stay away! Go away!"

_What's happened to her?_ He wondered, concern flooding through every fiber of his being.

She had been distancing herself from him lately and drifting off, going into catatonic states. But she had never yelled or snapped at him.

Until today.

"I can't. I take it back!" she cried as she mumbled other incoherent nothings to herself. "I can't." She shook her head, pressing her back harder against the wall behind her.

She convulsed.

"I take it back!"

"What do you take back, Tru? What's wrong?" Jack asked her gently, cautiously approaching her once more.

He knelt down in front of her. "Tell me."

She looked down, instantly avoiding eye contact with him. She didn't want to look into his tender eyes. She didn't want his comfort.

"He wanted it. And then… and then he said I wanted it. Because I did. I _wanted_ it." Her right hand traced a pattern along her stomach. The same pattern she had traced a few short weeks before, after awakening from her nightmare.

"Oh, my God," Jack breathed out in realization. "Tru…"

"He wanted to impregnate me."

Her eyes finally met his. They were so sad, so horrified.

So broken.

The broken chocolate orbs of her beautiful eyes.

Tears glistened in them as they streamed down her face.

"I didn't realize who he was back then. What he had become. And when I finally did I…" her voice broke for a moment.

"I told him I wanted it."

Jack was speechless; he was at a loss for words. Tru was pregnant! Pregnant with Jensen's child. What was going to come of this?

He moved a little closer, letting her feel his warm breath on her neck as she collapsed onto his chest.

Reassurance.

Reassurance as she broke down into him. As she told him everything. Everything from within her was different. Everything had changed.

"He didn't want to kill me. He wanted me to be in pain. And I guess I didn't realize it then, but he wanted to see me suffer."

"But I don't want to see you suffer," he told her. "You're much too strong for that."

Her fingernails dug into his chest. It was a sign. She needed help.

His help.

She was begging him.

He held her close to him for a long time, letting her know he was her comfort. Shrouded once again in darkness.

It grew from within.

The pain was unbearable. It threatened to take over her. This succulent fruit was her poison. A part of it was both a part of her and him.

Perfect halves of a fragmented whole.

"It hurts," she cried, in-between painful sobs; she clawed at her stomach as while flames of scorching pain sent spasms spilling from everywhere within her.

"_Shhh_," he tried to soothe her. "Try to relax. Take some deep breaths and try to relax."

She dare not move from her position against him. Her muscles grew tired quickly, finally caving into her agonizing cries.

It finally gave up, letting her relax. Letting her be at peace.

For now.

Barely feeling the heavy weight of her eyelids close, she fell deep into an endless abyss, welcoming the rest that she so desperately needed.

He pressed a soft kiss into her hair as he watched her sleep. She looked peaceful and happy, like she had fallen asleep contentedly; not like she had struggled relentlessly against pain so violent it had licked her insides with voluptuous flames of burning fire.

He knew she would not hear him; she was back in her world of fantasized dreamscapes.

A place of release.

A place where she could not crumble.

The air was as still as the black night it had been shrouded in.

"I'm sorry it's like this."

* * *

**_"Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it."_**

**_Mark Twain_**

****

* * *

**Author's Note: **And the big bomb has been dropped, folks! I've actually been avoiding the pregnancy storyline for a LONG time, but I thought if Tru was pregnant with Jensen's child it would make things all the more interesting. I also wanted to interweave all (or most) of the chapter titles into this chapter as to give it a sense of finality, even though an epilogue is on the way! This is the main chapter that will facilitate what is to come in the sequel. The sequel will show how this pregnancy affects Tru in a variety of different aspects, especially her mental state, which will in turn affect her relationship with Jack. I also have more cool quotes up my sleeve if you guys like the Mark Twain one. ;)

I can't believe I'm finally saying this, but see you all at the epilogue! WOO HOO!! ;)


	11. Epilogue: Metamorphosis

******Epilogue: Metamorphosis**

___The scene was calm and peaceful. Just as it had been before. _

___Her dark brown eyes stared fixedly at the stream once more. The ripples sparkled with a shimmering glow as their folded creases rushed past her. _

___She wished she knew. She wished she knew what lay beneath the folds; what lay in-between the creases of the magnificent ripples. _

___But she would never know. _

___Whatever secret that was smeared indefinitely between the ripples would remain there forever. _

___Her reflection stared back at her, reflecting not only a suffering woman but also a broken soul. _

___She was different now._

___As he was._

___As they were._

___Something from within each of them had changed. And they would always remain this way from now on._

___Their metamorphosis was complete. _

___There was no more anxious anticipation. No insatiable craving. No smoking desire. _

___What's done was done. _

___Always and forever._

___This heinous metamorphosis._

* * *

___ She knew he was there even before she saw his reflection. She could feel it. She could feel him. _

___His bright reflection joined hers in a union, glazing over the top of the crystalline blue waters._

___Just like it had before._

_"__You can feel it, too, can't you?"_

___There was a brief pause._

_"__Yes," she replied quietly, almost distantly; her tone was reserved. "I can feel it."_

___The metamorphosis had coursed through each of them, surging through their tingling veins and breathing new life into their crimson blood. _

___Jack pulled her to him, inhaling the delicate sweetness of lilac perfume on her neck. _

___Gradually leaning into his welcoming embrace, she wrapped her arms around her middle._

_"__I'm scared."_

_"__Don't be," his voice was soft, like a velvet whisper. "I'm here."_

___He kissed her shoulder with a subtle tenderness as he felt her relax and let out an anxious breath. _

___Feeling safe in the security of his arms, she let her eyelids close and her mind drift away aimlessly. _

___But only for a moment. _

___When she opened her eyes, the refreshing breeze was gone and the air was still. Something was different; something had changed again. _

___And Tru didn't like it. _

___The arms that held her securely in a passionate embrace were cold and frozen._

___Change._

___Metamorphosis._

___This change chilled her to the bone._

___She knew who stood behind her now, who let her become dangerously cloaked in a black security. A passionate yet unforgiving embrace._

___Holding her._

___Not wanting her tender love, but craving her fanatical intimacy. This is all he wanted. This hollow shell of nothingness desired nothing more than virulent tenderness encompassed by a dark black love. _

___Her voice cracked dangerously as she emphasized every word. "What do you want from me?"_

_"__I think I have all that I need now, Tru," Jensen's voice dripped with scathing venom from the numb deadness of frozen lips. "I have you."_

___He paused for a moment, running his left hand across her stomach, making her suddenly convulse and writhe in unbearable, agonizing pain._

___She wanted to crumple._

___So he let her._

___He eased her down gently, leaning her into him in yet another dangerous embrace. One that aroused him with a fierce, animalistic kind of hunger._

___He craved her._

___And she was going to birth his child._

___Everything was set; everything had changed; everything was perfect. _

_"__And now I have this, too."_

___He rubbed her stomach gently as the pain augmented._

___She was on the edge. _

___She was on the very edge of blacking out as the scorching flames of bright blue fire licked her alive. It salivated hungrily as sparks ignited from within._

___And then, out of the corner of her eye, she saw something._

_"__No," she stuttered slowly. "J-Jensen, please. No!" _

___A long, silver needle appeared in his right hand as he slowly brought it closer and closer to the desired area. To the middle of her stomach. _

_"__Relax, Tru," he whispered softly. "I'm not gonna kill you. You won't even remember this once it's all over."_

___The silver needle pierced her creamy skin as she let out another guttural scream of pain._

___She then felt herself slowly slipping. She was being dragged into an inescapable abyss by a powerful intoxication as she fell into a deep sleep._

___Nothing could change this now. Nothing could change her._

___For this heinous metamorphosis had finally reached its climax._

* * *

_**"**__**The belief in a supernatural source of evil is not necessary. Men alone are quite capable of every wickedness."**_

_****__**Joseph Conrad**_

* * *

**Author's Note: **Wow, I'm done! That's all for this story, guys, but I hope you all will stick around in anticipation of the sequel "All That's Best of Dark and Bright". I wanted to create a sort of parallelism between the prologue and the epilogue. I hope y'all saw some similarities as it was meant to be that way. The epilogue is also used to facilitate what is to come in the sequel. I haven't really thought about exactly where the sequel is going, but I do have a lot of good ideas to enhance the story. Expect to find Jack in a bar (trying to get drunk, of course!) and Tru suddenly becoming fascinated by blood as well as other cool surprises as I think of them. One last, final shout out to ALL of my AWESOME reviewers with honorable mentions going to **Amethyst Blizzard** and **Habita**; your never-ending support has been an unbelievable help to me! So thank you all, once again, and don't forget to check my profile for updates! ;)

I hope to see you all at the sequel! ;)


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